Kelphelper for GM

With all the uproar over the Ruskell-Holmgren rumors, I thought it would be a good time to look at what it takes to be a good General Manager.

In my mind, a good GM knows a good player from a bad player, can make tough calls, can work with coaches, recognizes value in a salary capped world, and has a vision for his team. And the more I thought about it, the more I realized that the best candidate I could think of was ME.

Of course, I do have a football background. Sure, I only played football in High School (7 man flag), but we won state two years in a row. I also met Jim Zorn in person at a basketball game once, and he’s a current NFL coach (sort of), so I can say I have experience with that. And with over 50% of my net income currently going to child support payments, I really do have a deep understanding of financial efficiency.

Most importantly, I have bled blue and green for the last 30 years, and I don’t have all sorts of nostalgic feelings about the Buccaneers or Packers to get in the way. I think it’s time the NFL becomes a more interactive experience, and puts someone in charge who really does have the team’s best interest in mind. Because really, doesn’t the game really belong to THE FANS more than anything else?

And so I would like to submit my recommendations to whoever might listen. Here’s what I would do as GM:

1. I would keep Jim Mora as the coach.
He’s has kept his composure during a difficult season. I see a team playing hard, and that’s his main job. I’ll keep him.

2. I would trade Lofa.
Bottom line: I believe Lofa’s best days are behind him, and Hawthorne’s are ahead of him. No way are we switching to the 3-4. I would lose the big salary while I can get something in return. (Like a draft pick, offensive lineman or maybe an impartial officiating crew.)

3. I’d take another stab at that alternate jersey.
There’s got to be another way to incorporate that secondary color. Isn’t Seattle practically overrun with coffee-swilling graphic designers and artsy hippy-folk? I say we have a contest and I’m sure someone will come up with something better that what we wore this year.

4. I’d clean some house.
Patrick Kerney and Julius Jones are gone. Locklear, Lucas and Branch too. All that money, and not much to show for it.

5. I would tell Housh to shut up and play.
He’s big and he catches the ball. Oh, and I dig his name. But this pouting and whining business just makes me want to punt his arrogant butt back to Cincinnati.

6. My first priority in the draft would be a defensive end.
We have the ammo to get a top-tier rookie, and I would target the best pass rusher in the bunch. You can find talent at other positions later in the draft, but a true man-beast gets taken at the top.

7. I’d get some fresh meat for the offensive line.
Obviously, a stud left tackle would be the most crucial. But I would also look for a guard or two and backup tackle. And I’d resign taped-up-groin guy. (aka: Brandon Frye. He can back-up Willis.) Starting line would be: Stud LT, Sims, Unger, Vet RG, Willis.

8. I’d resign Burleson.
Unless he wants Housh money.

9. Get a decent running back to pair with Forsett.
Free agency or the draft, doesn’t matter. I just want a bruiser who runs hard.

10. I’d give the offensive coordinator a good talking to.
Yes, Knapp gets to stay. But I’d tell him that if he calls another one of those run-straight-into-the-pile plays on fourth-and-one (unless we are playing the Rams), then I will go straight to the bingo parlor and find someone else to call plays for him.

This is obviously just a start. Molding a championship team takes time, but I am fully willing to commit to the process. Thank you for your consideration, Mr. Allen. I look forward to hearing from you soon.